Lunatics
by Eradica Moonrise
Summary: Well, Yugi and the others decide to take Yami and Bakura to the moon... but whay if they don't want to go? What will they do on the moon? Who knows if they'll even make it? Please review!
1. The Surprise

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 1 - The Surprise

Yami was having a dream. A very beautiful dream. He was in a world full of food, of chocolate, cookies, chicken, and everything sugary. In fact, he was living a world of food. His Millennium Puzzle was one giant lollipop. He was singing away, in a gastronomical bliss. 

"Yami! Yami, wake up! We have to go now!" 

Yugi was inside Yami's soul room, shaking Yami violently, trying to get the 5000 year old spirit to wake up. It had been three long weeks of torture for the Pharaoh. He had been restricted from having any food. 

"Okay, I'm coming," mumbled Yami. The two of them emerged from Yami's soul room. "What's up now? First you keep my locked away in my puzzle without telling me why, and then you can't wait to bring me out." 

"You'll see," said Yugi excitedly. "All we have to do is go to Kaiba Land. Kaiba and Mokuba are waiting for us there. In fact, we're really late already. I bet Ryou and Bakura have already arrived." 

"Wait. I just got up from my best dream in the last three weeks. You can't expect me to be all bright eyed in just a few minutes. If I were still Pharaoh-" 

"Well you're not one anymore, so don't bother saying what you were about to say. Just come with me!" 

And with that Yugi dragged a grumpy Yami out of the house slowly and painfully. They ran to Kaiba land, Yami screaming all the way. 

* * *

"Come on Bakura, you've just got to come along!" Ryou was having the same trouble trying to get Bakura to go to Kaiba Land. 

There was a knock on the door. Ryou opened it to find Malik waiting patiently outside. 

"Hey Malik," greeted Ryou. 

"Hi. Have you managed to persuade Bakura to go yet?" Ryou shook his head. Malik smiled. "Didn't think so." 

"And that's why you've come, right? Of course Bakura will go now that you're here." 

"Bakura, Malik's here. He wants you to go to Kaiba land with him. And me," he added as an afterthought. 

Bakura reluctantly came outside into the sunlight. "Fine, fine, I'll come. But the minute I get bored I'm going back home. Nothing you've planned could be _that_ exciting." The three of them headed to Kaiba Land. 

* * *

Kaiba was waiting impatiently for the others to arrive. He had expected the two Yamis to be late, but not this late. He checked his watch. He had been anticipating their arrival over an hour ago. Eventually he heard a lot of screaming and scuffling, and Yugi, Yami, Malik, Bakura and Ryou came into view. They looked as if they had been involved in a violent struggle. 

"So sorry we're late," apologised Ryou. "We had such a hard time trying to convince these two to come." 

"I had more important things to do," said Yami defiantly. 

"Like watching soap operas," sniggered Bakura. 

"No, I was-" 

"That's all right," said Kaiba, cutting in. "You wouldn't expect them to come, would you? Especially since I'm the Duel Monsters Champion." He turned serious and looked at Yami. "Yami, are you ready? I'm holding an exhibition match, where all the money raised goes to charity," said Kaiba. "You don't want to be heartless in front of all the people who'll be watching, do you? Our duel is for a good cause. Unless you're too chicken." 

"I'm not afraid, Kaiba. I wasn't being a coward when I said that I had more important things to do." He glared at Yugi. "He didn't give me the chance to EAT anything." His stomach growled. "And don't mention that bird again." 

"Chicken," said Malik. 

"Chicken," said Bakura. 

"Chicken," said Kaiba with a grin. 

A huge growl rumbled throughout Kaiba Land, and an angry growl followed that. "GRRRRRRRRRR... If you don't stop that right now I'll eat one of YOU," he threatened. 

Joey started making chicken noises, daring Yami to attack. Tristan joined in, and the two of them started doing the chicken dance. It wasn't long before chicken sounds were heard everywhere. Yami surged forward, grabbing the nearest neck and started throttling it. He got so mad that he even attempted to bite the shoulder. But when he tried, a dagger appeared in front of him. 

"Don't even try that," warned Malik. 

Yami released his grip, and realised that he had been trying to strangle Bakura. "I'm sorry," he said sarcastically. "Was I hurting your dear friend? Maybe I should kill you instead!" The fight resumed, with Yugi, Ryou and Téa trying to settle the others. 

Mokuba and Kaiba moved away from the group. "Seto, I don't think this is all that good for your reputation. You'd better start your duel with Yami, otherwise people'll think that this place is dangerous." 

Kaiba smiled. He activated the sprinklers, which then doused everyone in water. The gang finally managed to calm down and Yami was given food to eat. He hadn't had anything for days, since he was locked in his Puzzle by Yugi for a reason unknown to him. 

"You were locked in your Puzzle? Heh. I was told I wasn't allowed to leave the house," said Bakura. He glanced at Ryou. "I can't believe he believed me. Yami, you've got to learn to be more secretive. I've heard that Yugi and his friends are planning to take us on a holiday. The exhibition match is a setup, though Kaiba is really raising money for charity. So once you've stuffed yourself with food you can then get the duel over with, and we'll be going on a holiday. We might be going to Egypt. I look forward to stealing your Puzzle back in our homeland." 

Yami finished eating and finally felt satisfied. "Eating makes a man content," he said to himself. He was reminded of what Bakura had said. _We might be going back to Egypt._ Ah, yes, he remembered, 5000 years ago, when he was a pharaoh. He had the finest foods available.... Still, they were no match for a burger and fries. Bring on the KFC! 

"Yami. Now that you're finished, may we please start the duel?" Kaiba broke him from his reverie. "My customers have been waiting for over an hour, and half of them were shocked by your behaviour earlier today. Redeem yourself by dueling me." 

And so yet another rematch between Yugi/Yami and Kaiba began. The crowd buzzed with excitement as Kaiba made the first move. 

"I start off by playing the Judgeman," announced Kaiba. 

"I summon Gaia the Fierce Knight. Attack the Judgeman!" 

"I'll make this as short and sweet as possible, Yugi. We wouldn't want to keep the Yamis in suspense for much longer, do we?" 

_Okay Yugi, I've already heard something about a surprise from Bakura. What's going on?_

_Don't worry,_ reassured Yugi. _Once this duel is over you'll see. Trust me._

Kaiba's Blue Eyes White Dragon appeared, obliterating Gaia from the field. Their duel went on for quite a while, and by the time they both reached 500 life points Bakura was becoming restless. He knew from Ryou what happened the last time Yugi and Kaiba dueled, with the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon vs. Kuriboh, and he wasn't prepared to sit through it. He started to look around, to see if he could figure out what Ryou and Yugi's surprise was. He spotted Mokuba walking away. _Mokuba would never abandon his brother,_ he thought. Bakura started to follow, but was then grabbed from behind. He whirled around, only to find that it was Ryou who had stopped him. 

"Uh-uh Bakura, no peeking," he said as he dragged Bakura back to the dueling arena. 

"Oh no, we missed out on the end of the duel," said Ryou, disappointed. "What happened?" 

"It turned out to be a draw again," replied Joey. 

"Only because it was an exhibition match," Malik added. "Otherwise Kaiba would have definitely won." 

Mokuba came running. "Okay you guys, Seto says he's ready." 

"Now you guys will see what we've been planning for you," said Yugi cheerfully. 

"And learn the reason why I've been deprived of food?" asked Yami. 

"Everything will be answered," replied Ryou sagely. 

Mokuba led the gang to a secret room in Kaiba land and typed in a password, as well as having to go through a retina scan. The door slowly started to open. Through the crack nothing could be seen yet; it was too dark. Then, all of a sudden, the lights flared on, temporarily blinding everyone, before revealing a giant piece of machinery. Bakura muttered something in Egyptian. 

"By Ra, that thing's almost as big as a standard pyramid," exclaimed Yami. 

"Well everyone, here it is," said Kaiba. "Yami, Bakura, it's time for us to get into the spaceship." 

Yami and Bakura's jaws dropped. They stared wide-eyed at Kaiba, disbelieving. 

"Spaceship?!" They repeated. 

"Yeah," said Yugi. He had a huge smile on his face. "We're taking you to the moon!" 

________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Well, how was it? Next chapter, it's liftoff! But somehow I don't think Yami and Bakura take kindly to anyone who throws them into the middle of space... WITH NO JUNK FOOD! How will they survive? Please review! 


	2. To the Mooooon!

A/N: Kaiba's spaceships is one of those really high-tech ones, you know, the ones in sci-fi movies, which explains why they have so much space, bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen and everything else. 

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 2 - To the Mooooooon!!!

There was a long silence after Yugi revealed to Bakura and Yami that they were going to the moon. For Bakura, many memories came flooding back of his time as a tomb robber back in Ancient Egypt. All those times he had escaped during the night with precious artifacts... half the time the moon helped to hide him... and other times its bright light betrayed his location. The moon was just a mere object to him. But then again- 

"You're not serious," said Yami, breaking the silence. 

"Of course we are," said Ryou. 

"What if we don't want to go?" asked Bakura. 

"You wouldn't want to not go, considering how much it cost us - and you - to get this spaceship." 

"I don't remember paying anyone anything," said Yami confusedly. "Yugi's the one who always paid for me. How did you get enough money to buy this anyway?" Slowly and painfully realization dawned on him. "Hey... _That's_ why I've been starved half to death for an entire month... and deprived of KFC for a WHOLE WEEK! You do realize I could have died? And that's the reason why I haven't been allowed to watch TV, make phone calls OR go on the internet, isn't it?" 

"I had to pay for your part of the fee somehow," said Yugi apologetically. "And the only way I could see how was to cut back on food and electricity bills. You don't know how much you cost me, Yami. Almost like a high maintenance pet." 

"Are you insinuating that I'm some dog?" snarled Yami. 

"No," replied Yugi innocently. 

"Then how come Bakura seems to have kept his sanity? I bet he eats more pizza and pie than I do. And I bet he has big phone bills, calling Malik all day," retorted Yami. 

"Yeah, maybe, but I know how to keep him under control," said Ryou. Suddenly he looked shocked. "Bakura, have you been spending my money elsewhere? No wonder I never seem to have any money left at the end of the week! I'm lucky I gave all my money to Kaiba beforehand, otherwise I'd be in so much debt." 

Bakura smirked and looked in Malik's direction, who winked back. "I have connections." 

"Come on, let's go already!" yelled Yugi, grabbing Yami's arm and dragging him to towards the spaceship. Ryou managed to drag Bakura onto the ship first. He was followed by Kaiba, Joey and Téa. Tristan needed to go to the bathroom. 

"I'll be right back. Don't leave without me!" 

Yugi was having a lot of difficulties convincing Yami to board the rocket. 

"Come on Yami, it'll be fun! You've been stuck here on Earth for 5000 years, and it's high time you had a change of scenery." Yugi pulled Yami closer. 

"But I'm perfectly happy being stuck here!" Yami pulled back. 

"Starting up the spaceship," announced Mokuba through the speakers. 

"Come on Yami, think about all the KFC you sacrificed. You wouldn't want all that effort to go to waste, would you?" 

"You're afraid, aren't you?" accused Bakura. 

"No I'm not. I just don't want to go to the moon. Is that so much of a problem?" 

"YES!" Joey ran back out and helped Yugi push Yami into the spaceship. Unfortunately, they pushed a little too hard, causing Yami to crash into Bakura, who crashed into Téa, who crashed into Kaiba. Kaiba was knocked off balance by the domino effect and fell heavily onto the control panel, accidentally hitting the liftoff button. 

The spaceship started to rumble, spreading waves throughout Kaiba Land as the engines started up. The door slammed shut behind Yugi. 

"Now no one can get in or out," said Kaiba, glaring at Yami. 

"Seto, what happened?" asked Mokuba through the speakers. 

"We're having an early departure," replied Kaiba. "Don't worry, nothing's gone wrong." 

"Hey, what happened? I need to get on!" Tristan came running into the room where the spaceship was about to take flight. 

"Tristan, get out of there!" Mokuba screamed, and Tristan ran just in time, as flames shot out from beneath the spaceship. The spaceship rose, inch by inch, and then, with a giant flash, sped up and out of the Earth's atmosphere. 

* * *

Tristan walked into the control room where Mokuba was. 

"I can't believe they left without me," he muttered over and over again. 

"It's not all that bad," said Mokuba, trying to comfort him. "We can still talk to them and see them through the radio and satellite." 

"I guess," said Tristan, thinking about the adventure that he was going to miss. 

* * *

The journey into space was smoother than expected, since they had a premature takeoff. Everyone survived, with only a few bumps and bruises. As soon as they were clear if the Earth's atmosphere, they looked out of the windows, watching the Earth shrink before their eyes. 

"Look's like I'll be stuck here for the next couple of months," said Yami. "I wonder how I'm going to survive." 

"Cheer up," piped Yugi. "Think about it this way: you're a 5000 year old Egyptian spirit; you can't really die. Well, not really." 

"Heheh, you should have seen the look on your face when we told you that you were going to the moon," said Joey, "it was priceless!" 

"This is so cool," said Malik, mesmerized. "Ever since I was little I was stuck underground. When I got my first peek at the real world, I was amazed at everything I saw. Now, going into space, it's like reliving that moment, only on a much larger scale. It's wonderful!" 

"Yes, 'tis fascinating, isn't it?" Bakura started looking around the spaceship. He started sniffing. 

"Don't bother," said Ryou, realizing what Bakura was trying to do. "You're not going to find any fast food here. Our diet's restricted to space food." 

"You mean weird nutrient pellets?!" asked Yami with a shocked face. 

"No! I was talking about food in a tube, which are specially formulated mashed dishes. You know, pumpkin soup in a tube, roast chicken in a tube... it's mushy and tastes like plastic but it provides you with plenty of vitamins and minerals!" 

Yami turned pale. "I knew this trip was going to be a nightmare." 

A few hours later it was time for dinner, and the Yamis were not looking forward to it. They would rather eat nothing than to eat plastic mush. Until they realized they'd been tricked again. 

"Who here can cook?" Kaiba asked, and Téa and Ryou raised their hands. 

"I'm a pretty good cook," said Téa. 

"I can make great desserts," said Ryou. 

And so the Yamis decided that being in space wasn't all that bad. The food was quite good, but they both craved for junk food. Their first day in space had been pretty fun, and everyone had an early night. 

Yami was having a beautiful dream of eating all the KFC he wanted, until he was woken by whispers of Egyptian curses. Figuring it was just Bakura going to the bathroom, he tried to doze off again. As he slept he was half conscious of various peculiar noises all night. He heard doors creaking, cupboards being slammed as quietly, Egyptian swearing, sounds of head banging and people falling. He even heard sniffing. 

Then Yami went back to his dream where he was in KFC heaven. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Hmmm. Strange noises in the night... that doesn't sound too good. What could this mystery person be doing? Maybe he/she has a sleepwalking problem... or maybe it's all in Yami's mind.... Keep reading and find out! 


	3. Yami the Space Pharaoh

A/N: When I was writing the part where Yami makes funny faces at the spaceship, I was laughing really hard myself. It was the funniest thing! 

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 3 - Yami the Space Pharaoh

Joey yelled in frustration as another one of his cards started floating through the air and revealed itself to Yugi. Yugi saw that Joey had placed Kunai with Chain face down, as well as putting Axe Raider in defense mode. Yugi played the Dark Magician and won again. 

"Hey Kaiba, could you please turn the gravity control back on? This absence of gravity is making it impossible for me to play Duel Monsters properly. All my face down cards are going out of control, and now Yugi can see them all!" 

"Nup," replied Kaiba, looking up to where Yugi and Joey were floating, dueling. He then made sure that everyone else was the right way up and fairly close to the ground. "Actually, I will put the gravity control back." 

Joey, realizing what he had done, fell all the way to the floor with a loud thud. Yugi was more fortunate. He landed on Ryou. Everyone else was unharmed and started laughing at Joey's misfortune. 

"It's not funny," said Joey, rubbing his head where a large red bump was growing. 

"What's all this racket about?" Yami came from the bedroom, still wearing his pyjamas, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "What time is it anyway?" 

"Téa's preparing lunch," said Yugi, also apologizing to Ryou and Bakura. 

"Lunch? Already? I've been asleep for that long? Back when I was Pharaoh I used to get up when the sun rose to honor Ra, as well as to set an example for everyone else. Now look at me." His stomach growled. "Oh well, at least I'll be able to get some food into me." 

He went back into the bedroom to get changed, before heading out to eat lunch. It was all healthy food, compliments of Téa. Yami was convinced he was going to die from the lack of fatty foods. 

* * *

After lunch Kaiba had a surprise for everyone. 

"I have a surprise for everyone. We're all going to go into space." Everyone cheered. "Mind you," Kaiba added, looking at what Malik was wearing. "It might get slightly chilly out there, so make sure you put on extra clothes." 

Malik's eyes narrowed. "Are you saying that I might get cold? My blood's already cold enough to withstand almost anything. Trust me." 

"Yeah Malik," said Yami. "You wouldn't want to freeze to death in that midriff top of yours. And there's also the fact that you lived in Egypt, where it's really hot." 

Malik was on Yami within a split second, his rod turning into a dagger again. "I don't want you criticizing what I wear, got it? You're lucky I stopped trying to kill you to become the Pharaoh. Just don't provoke me further, otherwise I'll kill you for the pleasure of it." 

"Okay, okay," said Yami, slightly shaken. "I'll stop. I wouldn't want to make you upset. Bakura wouldn't allow it." 

"Why don't we all calm down?" asked Téa, trying to create peace inside the ship. "We're all going to be stuck with each other for quite a while, so stop all your bickering and get used to one another." 

"I'm getting my cloak," said Malik, and stalked off. 

* * *

Floating through space was a new experience for everyone. Joey tried to move around by flapping, Ryou and Yugi were having fun with their jet propellers, Yami found the experience most interesting, Bakura and Malik were off in their own little world, and Téa was just talking with everyone. Kaiba was checking the ship and making sure that no one was in any trouble. 

"Doesn't the Earth look so different from up here?" commented Téa. "I always knew our planet looked mostly blue and white, with a bit of green and brown, but it's really something else when you see it for yourself." 

"I agree with you," said Yugi, becoming bored with playing tag with Ryou, who kept trying to 'fly' all the way back to Earth, only to find that a cord held him back. 

"Hey, don't break the cord," Kaiba warned, "if it breaks, and you use up all your gas, we're not going to bother saving you." 

"I don't think you'd really do that," said Ryou, but he heeded the warning anyway. Kaiba was in charge of everything here. 

"Kaiba, how much longer until we get to the moon?" asked Joey, staring at it. 

"Probably only a day or two more," he answered. "And then the fun will begin. I've brought along a buggy so that we can all go riding across the moon. And a few other surprises," he said with a smile. In fact, he had to bite his tongue to stop himself from laughing and using up all the oxygen. 

Yami floated as far away from the spaceship as possible, then studied it. It was a funny shape, like a deformed pigeon. It had too many wings, and was too pointed. _All to improve the aerodynamics, I guess._ In fact, the more he looked, the stranger the spaceship appeared. He started squinting at it, trying to see what else he could make the ship look like. It looked like a mad giant frozen hummingbird. He screwed up his face. It looked like a pyramid through an hourglass. He turned upside down and covered one eye. It looked like a broken Millennium Puzzle. He blinked rapidly. It looked like a fat Millennium rod. He shook his head violently and then nodded his head as hard as he could. It looked like a mutilated spinning top. He held his breath for as long as he could and widened his eyes. It looked like a fuzzy pear. He shut his eyes hard for a few minutes, then opened them. This time all he saw was white light and bright spots. He also discovered that he had drifted closer to the spaceship. He was trying to figure out what other things the spaceship resembled, but then his thoughts were rudely interrupted. 

"Yami, what the heck do you think you're doing?!" Bakura and Malik had returned, and watched the entire 'show' Yami had put on. "You were making the strangest faces. It was the funniest thing!" 

Bakura and Yami cracked up. They laughed so hard that tears ran down their faces. And because they were wearing spacesuits, the glass of their helmets started to fog up. They began to run out of oxygen and started to gasp for air. Kaiba had to return the two to the spaceship, and the two lay on the floor for several minutes, sucking in large mouthfuls of air and half choking. Then, when they recovered, they started laughing again. And the process went on for the rest of the day. They even had to eat dinner separately, after Bakura choked on his soup and spat it on everyone. Eventually Kaiba had to lock the two up in a closet to try and calm them down. Giggles echoed all throughout the ship. It took them ages to fall asleep. 

Again Yami heard strange noises in his sleep. There was the usual sniffing, but it sounded as if there were two people instead of one. This time there was less swearing, but more suppressed giggles. He thought he even heard someone choke and hit the floor hard. _Why doesn't anyone else hear these things,_ he thought to himself. _I must be hallucinating._ Then, just after midnight, he thought he heard screams of delight, before hearing footsteps running back to bed. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

What has this person found to be so excited? Could it be that someone else is onboard with Yugi and the gang? Or maybe it _is_ just Yami hallucinating, in which case the others will have to try and fix the problem.... Well, a secret won't stay secret for long, will it? 


	4. So who said there was no junk food on th...

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

A/N: It's finally time! The sniffer who sneaks around at night is revealed! (Along with what he/she discovered....) 

Chapter 4 - So who said there was no junk food on the ship?

There was a knock on the door, and Kaiba let Malik and Bakura into his room. He closed the program he was working on, as well as other windows that he had open. 

"What do you want?" 

"Can you upload these pictures onto the computer?" asked Malik, holding out his digital camera. 

"Why can't you do it?" 

"You'll see once you start transferring the files," he replied. Kaiba looked suspiciously at the two. "What have you got in there? It can't be anything secretive, otherwise you wouldn't be letting me look at them. I guess I'll find out soon enough, won't I?" Malik and Bakura nodded. 

"By the way, where's Ryou? I haven't seen him for a while," said Bakura. 

"Down the corridor, third door to your left, watering the plants." 

"Plants? Since when do spaceships have plants? And how do they survive?" 

"I might have the most advanced spaceship in the world, but I still haven't figured out how to create oxygen out of nothing. That's why the plants are here, and they grow in a special room with artificial sunlight. Would you like me to go into more detail?" asked Kaiba, indicating that he wanted to be left alone to do his work. 

"No thanks. Well, we'll be going then," said Malik. They walked away and went off to find Ryou. They followed Kaiba's directions and eventually found themselves standing outside a door labeled "the Greenhouse." 

"Hi Bakura, hi Malik," greeted Ryou as they entered the Greenhouse. "You guys wouldn't mind helping me water the plants, would you?" He didn't wait for an answer and handed them a watering can each. As they tended the shrubs Ryou started a conversation. 

"Are you enjoying your trip so far?" 

"Yeah, it's been pretty cool," replied Malik. "It's just like seeing the world for the first time. A great feeling. I bet my sister's wondering how I am. I should talk to her soon. Tell her how it's been." 

Bakura was not so satisfied with his trip. "I can't believe you said there was no junk food here. You don't know how badly Yami and I are affected by this. You wouldn't begin to imagine the terrible nightmares I have! Each morning I wake up soaked in sweat, trying to recover from a horrible dream where I'm running and running and running, but the pizza's always just out of reach. No matter how hard I run, how much effort I put in, I CAN NEVER REACH THE DAMN PIZZA!" 

"You'll eventually get used to it," reassured Ryou. "This trip is good for breaking you out of the habit of eating too much junk food. It'll save you from obesity." _And it'll save myself from going into debt,_ he added silently. 

"But I won't ever become obese because I'm a spirit!" Bakura shouted, exasperated. 

Suddenly they heard raucous laughter from the room where Kaiba was. It was so unexpected, so loud and so maniacal that everyone on the ship heard, and jumped at the sound. Then, Ryou, Malik and Bakura, who were closest to Kaiba's location, also heard a thump. It sounded like someone had fallen. 

Everyone ran into the control room as quickly as possible, worried about Kaiba's welfare. By the time they got there, nothing unusual was to be seen. Kaiba was sitting at the computer, working on various programs. He turned around to face the others. 

"Why have you all come here?" Kaiba had a straight face on, as if nothing had happened. 

"We heard you screaming with laughter," said Yugi, "and we wanted to know if you're all right." 

"And we want to know what's so funny," added Joey. 

"Nothing much happened," said Kaiba. 

"We also heard a crash, as if someone had fallen to the floor," said Ryou. "Are you okay?" 

"Look, nothing happened," repeated Kaiba. "But I do have something to show you all. I've finally been able to connect ourselves back to the Kaiba Corp, where Mokuba's waiting." He typed in a few things on the computer, and the screen started flashing. 

"Isn't anything else supposed to happen?" 

"Patience, Joey. Wait and see." After a while the screen flickered, then showed a blurry image of Mokuba before clearing. 

"Mokuba, can you hear and see me?" asked Kaiba. 

"Yes, Seto. Everything appears to be working fine," Mokuba answered. 

"Hey, how's it going?" Tristan's head popped onto the screen. "Sorry I didn't get on." 

"It wasn't your fault," said Joey, looking at Yami. Yami looked away. 

"So how's everything been? Having fun?" 

"Yeah! Just yesterday we went walking in space." 

Kaiba interrupted their talk. "Hey Tristan, Malik has been taking pictures of what we've been doing. Care to look?" 

"Sure thing. Sending pictures now." 

As the files reached Earth and were opened by Tristan, the group could also see them on the adjacent monitor. There were pictures of the group when they first boarded the ship, the gang in their pyjamas, their first dinner, and various other pictures.... Joey trying unsuccessfully trying to play Duel Monsters in zero gravity... Yugi eating blobs of water... the view of the Earth and the moon... Everyone when they were asleep... Yugi drooling on his teddy bear... Téa and Ryou cooking.... 

And then came the pictures of Yami pulling funny faces at the spaceship. Tristan and Mokuba erupted into laughter. Joey, Téa, Ryou and Yugi also burst out laughing. Kaiba, Malik and Bakura resumed their laughing. The entire spaceship shook with uncontrollable laughter. Yami was the only one who was trying to be un-amused. His face was bright red, and even he couldn't control the occasional giggle. 

"That was some neat work, Malik," complimented Tristan. "Yami, you'd make a really good actor. When you return I can introduce you to some companies that might want to feature you in their shows." 

They talked with Tristan and Mokuba for the rest of the morning. In the afternoon Isis made her appearance, and checked up on her little brother. 

"Malik, how are you doing?" 

"I'm fine." 

"Are you behaving yourself?" 

"Yes." 

"Kaiba, you'll have to keep your eye on him. Otherwise he might cause a lot of trouble." 

"Don't worry Isis, Malik's been well-behaved. In fact, he's made sure that all of us aren't bored." 

Their whole day was spent talking to their friends and family. At the end of the third night everyone felt just a tiny bit homesick. After all, they hadn't seen their loved ones for days. Everyone went to bed with light hearts, hoping to have pleasant dreams. 

Yami's sleep was interrupted. He was waken when he heard someone say, "Pharaoh, you've received a delivery from KFC." At that moment his eyes snapped open, only to find Bakura standing above him. 

"You don't know how loudly you snore," said Bakura. 

"You don't know what time it is," said Yami. "Why've you woken me up? I've done nuthin' wrong." 

Bakura had a big grin on his face. "I've discovered where they've hidden all the junk food!" 

Yami was wide awake now. He followed Bakura through the spaceship, amazed at the skills of the tomb robber. _So that's what I've been hearing these past two nights,_ he thought. _Bakura's been searching for the pizza! Wow, he has such a good sense of smell. Can't ever be tricked. I wonder how Ryou's going to react. He must know that the food's here, only he tried to keep it a secret._

"You'll have to be extremely quiet here," Bakura warned. Yami realized that he was now talking in Egyptian. "There are alarms here designed to keep us out. I've been able to scramble the programming so that it doesn't recognize Egyptian, but it detects shapes, which is why I had to cover your head." 

Yami lifted his hands and discovered he was wearing a hat. _Bakura must have been a very good thief, for me to not notice the hat._

They finally stopped at a room at the far end of the spaceship. Bakura went to work trying to break the locks that guarded the room. Yami was amazed at Bakura's colorful language as he struggled to open the lock. He hadn't heard such creative profanity in all his 5000 years of existence. _Must be because he's an experienced thief._

After half an hour Bakura finally succeeded in cracking the locks. "Come on Yami, wake up, we're in!" 

"How did I know you were going to come here?" 

Bakura and Yami instantly froze. The voice laughed. Yami realized that this person was also speaking Egyptian. 

Malik stepped into the weak light that penetrated through a window. 

"I knew you'd return, after we'd found this place," he said. "And when I heard you waking up Yami, I decided to follow." 

The three sneaked into the room, closed the door and then turned on the light. Yami gasped, and stared at the enormous room, which housed the biggest pile off pizzas, pies, chips and chicken he'd ever seen. Bakura and Yami went to work eating away, satisfying their cravings which had been eating away at them for so long. Malik watched in disgust as the two stuffed themselves, and then went off to bed. Bakura and Yami ate for the rest of the night, and only returned back to bed when they were bloated and when they felt the need to. They didn't want to be caught for eating something that was illegally, yet rightfully theirs. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Well, they've hit junk food jackpot, but I wonder what will happen when Ryou and Kaiba find out.... There must have been a good reason for keeping the food a secret. Not to torture the Yamis, surely.... 


	5. What can I say? They're all lunatics!

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 5 - What can I say? They're all Lunatics!

Yami and Bakura both slept in the following morning. They were consumed in their dreams of drifting around, eating their favorite foods. When they finally did get up, they were extremely sluggish in their movements. 

"Are you two alright?" asked Ryou in a concerned voice. "You don't look so good." 

"We're fine," mumbled Bakura. 

"Whatever you say." Ryou shrugged, then went off to join Yugi. 

"Ah, last night was the best day of my life," said Yami drowsily. 

"I totally agree," said Bakura. "We should do it again tonight." 

"Mmmm... the taste of fried, oily chicken... and mashed potato... hot dogs...." 

"The wonderful flavours of pizza... meat... and steak and mushroom pies...." 

The two of them just stood there, drooling, until Malik spotted them. 

"You guys, this is no time to be daydreaming. If anyone finds out what you've been up to, I don't think they'd be all that pleased." 

Bakura snapped out of his drunkenness. Just in time, as well. Kaiba announced their landing on the moon. When everyone had gathered together, Kaiba gave out instructions. 

"I will give you each a spacesuit. No, it's not the same ones from last time. These ones are especially designed for the extreme temperature range of the moon. They've been weighted, so that you won't be able to float off into nowhere. You should all have plenty of oxygen available; I've learnt a lesson from our little space adventure. It should easily last more then five hours. However, if you do somehow manage to use up all your air, just go back into the spaceship - remember to close the door - and refill the oxygen tank.  
"If you want to collect moon rocks, place them in this container. I'm sure you'll all remember which ones are yours. Either that or you won't mind. If you find any foreign objects, report them to me, so that I can either deem it safe or harmful to our existence." 

One by one Kaiba handed them each a spacesuit. Then they all went off to change. Ryou was the first to finish putting on his suit, followed by Yugi, Téa, Bakura, and then Malik. Kaiba was waiting just outside the door, not yet changed. He was going to once he made sure everyone else had put on their suits properly. 

"Hey, where's Joey?" asked Téa, noticing his absence. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! SETO KAIBA, I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ONE DAY!" Joey stormed into the room where the others were waiting. Everyone saw what he was wearing, blinked, then Yugi, Yami, Ryou and Téa tried to muffle their giggles, while Bakura, Malik and Kaiba weren't afraid to show their amusement. 

"I just wish Duke were here," said Kaiba. Joey gave a low growl of warning. Kaiba only laughed harder. 

Joey was mad. Really mad. Fuming. He was wearing the spacesuit Kaiba had given him. A spacesuit in the design of a dog. One that resembled the dog suit he had to wear when he lost to Duke playing Duel Monsters. Only this suit had big soppy puppy eyes, big floppy ears, and a long fluffy tail. He couldn't stand being tortured anymore. He charged at Kaiba, ripping off his helmet so that he could really sink his teeth into Kaiba. Kaiba have a cry of pain as he was bitten on his arm. But when Joey tried to attack again, Kaiba was ready. He easily dodged Joey's lunge and grabbed him by the neck of the spacesuit. Joey struggled a bit more, until he realized it was useless and hung his head in shame. Kaiba let go of him. 

"Calm down, it was just a joke. Here, you're real suit's here," said Kaiba. Joey narrowed his eyes, untrusting, before eventually accepting the suit and going off to change again. 

They were finally on the moon. Kaiba was driving the moon buggy, taking the others on a trip around the moon. They alighted at a flat area and went off to explore the place. Kaiba went off started collecting rock samples. 

"You shouldn't have humiliated Joey like that," said a voice from behind him. Kaiba turned around to see Téa. 

"It was a harmless joke." 

"It might have been, but it was still a cruel thing to do. You might have thought it funny, but it really hurt his feelings. You two do have quite a few things in common. Think about how he feels." She walked off, leaving him to think about her words. 

"Whee! I'm flying!" Yugi was jumping up, down and all around. He loved the sensation of weightlessness. It was so much fun. He had total freedom. "I'm a bird! Joey, Ryou, Yami, Téa, I'm flying!" 

Ryou was doing the same. They started to play space tag. Joey was collecting moon rocks, looking for ones that closest resembled cheese. He was talking to himself, wondering what would happen if he tried to eat a moon rock. Then he decided that it wouldn't be such a good idea. 

"Hey everyone, I have a great idea!" said Yami all of a sudden. Everyone turned to look at him. "How about we make a moon rock castle? You know, it'll be like a sandcastle, only made with moon rocks instead. Then it could drift around the moon, and anyone who visits will be able to see it, providing that no one wrecks it." 

"That's not a bad idea," said Bakura. "We could try and make a replica of Ancient Egypt, and redesign it so that-" 

"I'm the Pharaoh," concluded Malik. 

Interestingly enough, the idea worked. No one had to worry about the monument collapsing, because it couldn't. All they had to do was make sure they didn't bump into any other piece. They worked on it for the rest of the day, returning back to the spaceship every now and then to eat and get more oxygen. All throughout the process Half the people were muttering, "we must be insane to be trying this. Utterly insane." 

They worked for three days, perfecting their sculpture, making sure that that everything appeared just right. In the end a wonky but decent result was achieved. There were plenty of pyramids and faceless sphinxes, as well as mini models of various Duel Monsters. Kaiba and Joey had created a Blue Eyes White Dragon and a Red Eyes Black Dragon respectively. They had placed them floating above the city, preparing to launch their attacks. Téa had placed the city of Domino between the pyramids, while Ryou placed models of themselves in their masterpiece as well. 

The gang was proud of their work. They took plenty of pictures of their accomplishment, before it started floating off and crashing into the moon and the spaceship. Bits and pieces began to break off, though it still managed to keep itself together fairly well. 

"Take that Kaiba!" yelled Joey triumphantly as the head of the Blue Eyes White Dragon hit the ground and broke off, leaving a headless dragon. It then crashed into Joey's Red Eyes and then the Blue Eyes' wings broke off. "Yeah, my Red Eyes Black Dragon rules!" 

On the fourth night, while everyone was asleep, two people stayed awake. They were outside, creating scratching noises. Joey and Yami stayed up the whole night, trying to dig a hole through the moon. It wasn't all that successful, but they had managed to make a pit a metre deep. 

"Wouldn't it be funny if someone stepped in here and fell?" whispered Joey. 

"It sure would be. Let's get Malik or Kaiba in here," replied Yami. 

In the morning Joey and Yami were hyperactive having drunk too much coffee to keep themselves awake. They managed to aggravate both Kaiba and Malik, and lead them right to the hole. However, they forgot one thing. There was almost no gravity on the moon. Kaiba and Malik had sunk a little into the pit, been unable to move forward for a while, but easily solved the problem and proceeded to strangle Joey and Yami once they had dragged them back onto the spaceship. 

They day of their departure was nearing, and everyone wanted to make the most of the little time they had left. Yami and Bakura were raiding the junk food room again, when they heard a strange sound from outside. For a moment they thought they'd been discovered, until the arrived back at the bedroom and found everyone fast asleep. Yami and Bakura looked at each other, puzzled. 

"Probably just our imagination," murmured Bakura in Egyptian. 

"Yeah, I certainly hope so." 

Bakura suddenly looked outside the window, then shook his head. 

"What? Did you see something?" 

"Nah. Just forget about it. It's most likely to be our sculpture floating around, creating shadows and crashing into things." 

The two had a restless night, having disturbing dreams full of aliens. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Yami and Bakura have watched too many alien movies if you ask me. But who knows, maybe there are really aliens out there.... 


	6. Aliens? You've got to be kidding

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 6 - Aliens? You've got to be kidding.

"Yami, wake up. Yami, come on, wake up. You're having a bad dream. Snap out of it. YAMI!!!" 

Yami abruptly woke up, screaming his head off. His sudden madness made Yugi scream as well. They were both screaming away, then realized that there was nothing to scream about. 

"Yami, don't ever do that again, okay? What happened? You were mumbling throughout your sleep. Something about aliens," said Yugi. 

"Don't tell me Yami's scared of aliens," mocked Malik. Bakura whispered something in his ear, and Malik's smirk disappeared. They walked away, leaving the rest of the group to question Yami. 

"Nothing's wrong, got it?" Yami was growing frustrated with all these questions. "I just had a bad dream, that's all. No, really, I'm fine." 

He marched out of the bedroom and went to get some breakfast. _What was out there last night? It sure wasn't our sculpture. I saw Bakura's face when he looked out the window. He had definitely seen something. Something not quite right._ Yami was so caught up in his thoughts that he absent-mindedly put salt in the coffee instead of sugar. He also placed his toast in the toaster, waiting for it to toast. _What if there are really aliens out there? What if they're after our Millennium Items?_ He sipped his coffee, suspected that the aliens had drugged it, and poured it down the drain. He bit into his toast and his mouth tasted like carbon. _The aliens must have sabotaged my food as well. Coated it in ant legs, I bet. It's not yummy anymore.... Yummy... yum...._

"**YAMI!!!**" Yugi was screaming at the top of his voice, trying to break Yami's thoughts. 

"WHAT?" Yami shouted back. 

"I think there's something seriously wrong with you! I mean, you look like you're on another planet! what's wrong?" 

Yami sighed. No one was going to believe him. "Bakura and I think there are aliens on the moon. We heard them last night. And I think he saw one." 

After a few seconds of disbelief Yugi burst out laughing. "Yeah right, aliens! You've both been watching too many late night movies. There's no such thing as aliens. And if there were, someone - not us - would have discovered them. Say, have you been eating anything strange lately? Maybe you're having hallucinations." 

At that moment Yami heard a clunk outside the spaceship. They looked at each other, startled, and then put on their spacesuits and ran outside. 

"I told you something was out there," said Yami. 

"Are you sure it wasn't our moon rock masterpiece?" 

"I'm sure!" 

They circled the spaceship, not sure whether they would find anything or not. Then, after the third circle, Yami spotted something out of the corner of his eye. 

"Yugi, did you see that? It was small and quick, but I definitely saw something." 

"Tiny pink creature, rabbit like, only with fluffy white wings?" 

"No. It was more like... a small three legged cat with bat wings and a thin tail." 

Yami looked around and this time the thing popped up into full view. 

"Yugi! It's there! You see it?" 

Yugi looked blank. "I don't see anything. Are you sure you haven't eaten anything strange?" 

"Positive! Look!" Yami ran over to the creature and grabbed it. Well, at least he tried to grab it. The thing skipped nimbly out of the way... and crashed into a moon rock pyramid. It suddenly flashed, looked terrified and then started to run away. 

"Oh, now I see what you're seeing!" exclaimed Yugi. "But how can there be aliens here? That's just not right! Impossible! I'm going back to tell the others." 

Yami decided to chase the alien around, which he had nicknamed the "Devil Fusionist." Unfortunately he was weighed down by the spacesuit and fell further and further behind the creature, who was apparently extremely swift. After running around aimlessly for forever, Yugi finally re-emerged from the ship, along with Kaiba, Ryou, Bakura, Malik, Joey and Téa. 

"It's about time," said Yami. "Bakura, how about helping me out here? You saw this alien, didn't you? I've called it the Devil Fusionist. Pretty fitting, don't you think?" 

Bakura nodded. "The same." 

Téa slowly approached it. "Come here, kitty, I won't hurt you." The "Devil Fusionist" cautiously moved forward. It sniffed her hand. 

"How can it smell? There's no air here," said Joey. 

"It's an alien, remember?" Kaiba pointed out. 

The cat-thing decided that Téa was not a threat and licked her hand. 

"Hey, let me pat that thing!" Joey bounded towards it, screaming, "Here, kitty! Come to Joey!" Consequently, it flew away and hissed at him. 

"Nice going, mutt," Kaiba sneered. "You just scared the cat. How fitting." 

Devil Fusionist looked at her audience. She fluttered down and settled on Kaiba's shoulder. From her height she stared down at Joey, and looked almost smug. 

"Well Joey, it appears the little feline doesn't like you," said Ryou. "I guess you're just too full of puppy-love." 

In fact, the cat-thing seemed to have an attachment towards Kaiba. It purred a lot - well, at least they thought it purred - but with no air in space they couldn't tell. It glided to the ground and rubbed itself against Kaiba's legs. Kaiba looked uncomfortable. He picked her up, walked some distance before putting her down and running back. 

"Don't you like cats?" teased Joey, watching the embarrassment he was going through. "They _must_ be better than dogs, right? I mean, lowly puppies don't deserve your attention. A cat, however, is independent, like you. They're powerful, dangerous, unpredictable, swift, smart, sneaky.... And they're alone, silent, and deadly. They keep to themselves. That's the one flaw of cats. That's why you should start to like dogs more, Kaiba. They're loyal, will never let you down, friendly-" 

"And talk too much, never know when to stop, eat too much, loud-" Kaiba cut in. 

"Really, lighten up!" shouted Joey, exasperated. Devil Fusionist flew onto Joey and started to claw at his spacesuit. "Hey, cut that out! No, don't do that, I won't be able to breathe! Kaiba, get this thing off me! Kaiba, help! KAIBA!!!" 

Joey rushed back into the spaceship, terrified that Devil Fusionist would scratch a hole through his suit. He watched from the inside as Kaiba picked up the cat and stroked it, calming it down. _Don't know how Kaiba does it. Maybe he's just really... cat-like._

As he watched from the safety of the spaceship, everyone, including himself, was amazed when Devil Fusionist suddenly jumped up and duplicated itself. It reminded him of all the times Yugi had combined his Kuriboh with Multiply. Hundreds of cat-things flapped about, shedding feathers everywhere. Yami was waving his arms wildly, for some of the feline terrors were now harassing him. Bakura had managed to somehow managed to keep the creatures at bay. Maybe it had something to do with why he was glowing blue. Yugi and Téa were trying to placate the Devil Fusionists. He noticed that Kaiba and Ryou were using the distraction to talk to each other privately. 

_Wait a minute..._ Joey had a flashback of the second night when he accidentally stumbled into Kaiba's room.... 

_.... "Uh, sorry Kaiba," mumbled Joey, eyes half closed. "I was supposed to be going to the bathroom." Through his blurry vision he saw an animation of a purplish creature on the monitor. "Hey, what's that?" _

Kaiba had stood up and walked over to Joey. "Shhh. Don't tell anyone else, but it's a surprise for the two Yamis. I'm going to create virtual aliens. It'll make a good laugh, and bring some excitement into this trip." 

"Can I tell this to Yugi? He's my best friend, after all. I'm sure he won't tell." 

Kaiba wrapped his coat around Joey and drew him close. As he led Joey towards the bathroom, he whispered in Joey's ear, "no, I'd prefer it if you don't." He waited outside as Joey went to do his business. When he came back out he let out a big yawn. Kaiba was feeling tired too. He and Joey walked back to the bedroom, where Joey crawled back in his bed. 

"Don't worry Kaiba," he said with his eyes closed. "I won't tell anyone." 

"Good night, Joey," said Kaiba, and started to walk away. 

"Sweet dreams, Serenity," said Joey sleepily, leaving Kaiba confused and speechless.... 

He resumed watching the others play with the holographic projection, wondering when Kaiba was going to tell the Yamis that there weren't any aliens. After a while, all the Devil Fusionists began to shimmer. _Looks like there was an overload,_ he thought to himself. _I guess Kaiba's not a total genius._ The holograms disappeared. 

Yami looked around, amazed and suspicious at the sudden disappearance of a few hundred cat-things. "Hey, what happened? I was finally getting used to having them around." 

"Well I say good riddance," said Bakura. "But looks like you were in the dark again, Yami. You didn't know that they were all just digital projections." 

"You've got to be kidding. Who else knew?" 

"Kaiba created the program. Ryou and Yugi knew, of course. The others figured it out soon enough. They realised they were nothing more than ones and zeros when it didn't hurt when the critters bit them." 

"How did you know?" 

"Malik told me." 

"Right." Yami was getting increasingly annoyed. Everyone, it seemed, was trying to make this trip as horrible as possible. 

The others giggled. "Come on, Yami," said Yugi. "Cheer up. All we wanted to do was make this holiday a fun one." 

"Didn't I tell you from the start that I didn't want to go?" 

"But we thought you might change your mind once we were actually in space." 

"Except that I don't appreciate the company of half these people for long periods of time," Yami sulked, looking at Bakura and Malik. 

"Well, if you feel that strongly about it, we can go home." 

"Really?" Yami's face lit up. 

"Yeah! Don't worry, the return trip shouldn't be half as bad. We've run out of surprises anyway." 

"Then let's go!" Yami started skipping his way back aboard the spaceship. "We're going home! Yippee!" 

"Not so fast." Ryou blocked the door. "I think we have some issues to discuss first," he said, looking at Bakura and Yami. 

The two Yamis exchanged glances. "What did we do?" asked Bakura innocently. 

"I think you know," said Ryou, unrelenting. "And I plan to punish you in the worst way possible...." 

_______________________________________________________________________________ 

Well... Ryou's onto something. What do you think he could be after? Or maybe he's known all this time what the two have been up to. 


	7. The reason locks were made is to keep pe...

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 7 - The reason locks were made is to keep people out.

Ryou led the two Yamis through the spaceship. Yami looked around and knew they were in trouble. They went past the bathrooms. They went past the bedrooms. They went past all the other rooms in the ship. And finally ended up at the big padlocked door all the way at the other end of the spaceship. The locked door. Well, it _was _ locked. The automatic door closed behind them. 

"Would you care to explain?" Ryou asked sweetly. 

"Um, well... er..." began Yami. 

"Have no idea why we're here," stated Bakura. 

"Are you sure?" Ryou put on a bigger smile. 

"Positive." 

Ryou's eyes flashed. "My dear Bakura, you know I know what you've been up to. The room behind the door tells all." He smiled evilly. "You will be punished accordingly, along with Yami." 

"But you can't accuse us unless you have evidence," said Bakura, trying his best to slip his way out of this predicament. 

"Guilty until proven innocent. You should be familiar with that concept," said Ryou. 

"You can't argue with him there," whispered Yami under his breath. 

"So then, I'll see if you can prove your innocence." Ryou started pacing back and forth, intimidating the two Yamis. 

* * *

Yugi and the others stared through the glass of the door at where Ryou was questioning the others. 

"Boy, he's good at this stuff," commented Joey. Ryou was making the Yamis very uncomfortable. "I never thought Ryou could act like this." 

"I wonder what he's going to do to them," said Kaiba. "Ryou was asking whether I could make a return trip to the moon again. I think he's got something pretty nasty up his sleeve." He chuckled. "Oh, I can't wait to see Yami's reaction when they hear what he has to say! Serves them right for eating all that food. That chicken was supposed to be for me." 

They watched on as Ryou walked around, with a devious smile on his face. 

"Any bets on what'll happen to the two?" asked Joey, holding his hands out. 

"Ryou'll put them through the tickle torture!" exclaimed Yugi. 

"He'll be nice and just tell them off," said Téa. "And give them a good beating." 

"They'll be subjected to eating vegetables for the rest of their life," suggested Kaiba. 

"And I'll make them wear dog suits! It's payback time! Well, to the wrong people, but it'll still be funny," said Joey. 

Everyone fell silent again as they suddenly they saw Ryou slap Bakura and the face. Yami was looking very afraid now. 

* * *

Ryou glanced at Kaiba through the window. A few minutes later a most wonderful smell wafted into the room. Bakura smelt it. Yami smelt it. Their mouths started to water. A grumble escaped Yami's stomach. 

"Oh, the sweet smell of chicken," drawled Yami. "I can't believe I still remember what it smells like." 

"Tempting, isn't it?" asked Ryou. "Would you like to have some?" He produced a drumstick from a box he was carrying. He waved it in front of Bakura's face. Bakura attempted to chomp down on it. 

"Uh-uh-uh. Not unless you tell me who broke this lock." 

"How am I supposed to know?" 

"Can you tell me how this lock was broken?" 

"Well..." 

"You're a thief. One would expect you to be an expert at this kind of stuff." 

"It was unlocked with a wire. And a knife was used to prise it open. What would you expect?" 

Ryou raised an eyebrow. "Anything else?" 

"No." 

Ryou took the broken lock from the door and shoved it in Bakura's face. "Then what do you call this?" The key-end of the lock was slightly charred. The metal arch was all twisted. 

"Uh, well, um..." Bakura was finding it more and more difficult to evade Ryou's questions. 

"Well?" 

"It could, er, easily have been twisted with... a... um... one of those metal burning things. You know, them," answered Bakura lamely. 

"You do realise we don't have metal cutters lying around, waiting to be taken? The only ones are in Kaiba's control room, and that type of security is almost impenetrable." Ryou's questions were becoming more direct. He turned to Yami. 

"Yami. Can you tell me how this lock came to be in this state? Answer truthfully," warned Ryou after watching Yami's eyes flicker to Bakura. "Or face the consequences." 

"What can you do?" asked Bakura. "We have magical abilities. You don't. You wouldn't be able to do anything to us." 

"Yami," continued Ryou, "now I'll ask you this, since Bakura has so kindly given us some new information. What kind of abilities do you have?" 

"We can fiddle around with souls, we can use a mind crush attack, which can do a lot of damage, we can go to the Shadow Realm-" 

"And so you would have the power to manipulate objects to some extent?" 

"Yes," admitted Yami meekly. Bakura punched Yami's shoulder and looked at him angrily. "Nice going," he said in Egyptian. "Now you've just proven our guilt!" 

"He has, hasn't he?" said Ryou. He laughed at Bakura's shocked face. "Yes, Bakura. I know what you were saying. I spent some of my time learning Egyptian, just to keep track of what you were planning to do. And by your actions, I say that you just proved your own guilt as well. Why else would you hit Yami?" 

Ryou's smile was sickening. In fact, it was starting to scare Bakura. "Well then, I've already figured out the perfect punishment for you two. 

"You two, instead of returning with us back to Earth, will be left here. I'm sure you won't mind. You seemed to have enjoyed your stay all this time. We'll come back for you in three days time. Just don't run away, or we really won't be able to take you back." 

"But you can't leave us out here!" screamed Yami in protest. "We could be attacked by aliens! Or we could starve to death!" 

"You're spirits," said Ryou simply. He walked back out and joined the others, leaving the Yamis standing in the room which used to contain junk food. 

Yami sighed. "Well Bakura, it looks like we'll be stuck here for a while." 

"And it was all your fault." 

"My fault? You're the one who broke the lock and started eating all the food!" 

"Well then you're my accessory." 

"Accessory? Are you accusing me of being a handbag?!" 

"No, accessory. Accomplice. Partner in crime," Bakura explained. 

"Oh." 

There was silence. 

"Bakura?" 

"What?" 

"You should have never gone looking for that junk food." 

"Why not?" 

"Because you knew we would eventually be caught." 

"Would you have survived without all that KFC?" 

"No, I guess not." 

"You only have me to thank then." 

... 

More silence. 

... 

"Bakura?" 

"WHAT?" 

"You've got to stop being a thief." 

"Why?" 

"It's bad for your health." 

"How does that work?" 

"Well, Ryou just told us we're going to be abandoned here. We're going to go insane. No food, no friends, no nothing." 

"Your Puzzle." 

"What about it?" 

"My Ring." 

"What are you saying?" 

"We can always return to Earth through our Millennium Items, remember?" 

"Oh yeah." 

"Gosh, you're thick!" Bakura commenced banging his head against the wall. "You were a Pharaoh for goodness sake! One would have thought you were smart!" 

"I can't help it!" shouted Yami. "I am not looking forward to three days in space!" 

"Didn't you hear what I just said?!" Bakura started strangling Yami. "We can return whenever we want through our damn Millennium Items!" 

"Let... me... go...." rasped Yami. Bakura threw Yami to the ground. "I feel so sorry for Yugi. I don't know how he puts up with you." 

"He keeps me locked in the Puzzle most of the time," said Yami, rubbing his neck. "And you have to learn to be less violent. One day you might accidentally kill someone." 

"Yeah," muttered Bakura. "I just might. Someone with spiky purple hair. Purple eyes. Not Yugi. If only looks could kill," he said, his eyes twinkling murderously. 

* * *

"Are you sure it's a good idea to leave those two alone in there?" asked Téa, watching them through a security camera in Kaiba's control room. 

"They'll be fine," assured Ryou. 

"Are you _sure?_" asked Téa again, as they observed Bakura trying to strangle Yami again. Yami then turned transparent, making Bakura fall straight through him and onto the floor. 

"Trust me! I've been around Bakura for a long time, remember?" 

"And Yami's survived through much tougher situations," said Yugi. 

Téa sighed. "If you insist." She took one final look at the camera, and saw Bakura whip out a knife from apparently nowhere and attempted to stab Yami, to no avail. 

* * *

"PLEASE! YUGI! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" Yami was on his knees, grabbing onto Yugi's leg and bawling away. "I DON'T WANNA BE STUCK WITH BAKURA! HE'S GOING TO TRY AND KILL ME!" 

"Sorry Yami," replied Yugi apologetically, "but I can't help you this time. You ate the junk food too. It's not my problem." 

"I'll do anything! Anything!" Yami was desperate. "YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME WITH A MANIAC!" 

"I think Yami's the maniac," whispered Joey to Yugi. 

With Ryou's help, Yugi managed to wrench Yami away from his ankle. In fact, he found great pleasure in tossing Yami back onto the moon. It would cut food and electricity bills in half. 

Bakura was then thrown out, and the spaceship started to leave. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! COME BACK!!!" Yami pushed off as hard as he could and slowly drifted towards the departing ship. But, he fell miserably short of his goal. The spaceship sped away back to Earth. 

Bakura's shadow loomed over him. "Now I can go back to torturing you...." 

____________________________________________________________________ 

So who's starting to feel sorry for Yami? Being stuck with an enemy for three days isn't exactly pleasant, not even for Bakura, who now has to put up with Yami. *Bakura: 'I'm comin' for ya Yami!'* 


	8. Lost in Space

A/N: A warning for anyone travelling with a Yami: Never, EVER leave them unattended! And if you abandon them in space, keep in mind that one day we humans probably will make contact with extra-terrestrials, so you don't want the Yamis messing up intergalactic relations before we even meet them! 

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 8 - Lost in Space

"This is all a bad dream. Just a bad dream," Yami was muttering to himself. " Any second now I'll wake up and find myself being tempted with a chicken drumstick as Yugi tries to wake me up. Of course it's silly! There's no way he'd really leave me in space. Yugi will wake me up any moment now...." 

Bakura kicked Yami. 

"Ow! What did you do that for?" 

Bakura glared at Yami. 

"Fine. This isn't a dream. IT'S A TOTAL NIGHTMARE!" 

"Shut up! It's bad enough that I'm stuck with you. And it's even worse when I have your screaming in my ear, especially since your voice is amplified through the spacesuits." Bakura started to take his helmet off. 

"Hey, don't do that! You know there's no air here! You won't be able to breathe!" Yami was genuinely worried about Bakura. 

"So what? I'm a spirit. Technically I can't-" Bakura's voice was cut off as he discarded his helmet. Without air, Yami was unable to hear his voice. 

"Wait, Bakura! What are you doing?" 

A dark fog began to shroud Bakura. When he was completely hidden from Yami's view, the cloud dissipated, and Bakura had disappeared. 

"Bakura?" asked Yami timidly. He didn't like being alone. "Bakura? Where have you gone? Come on, this isn't funny!" A little voice popped up in his head. _He's in the Shadow Realm, stupid._ "Oh yeah," he said to himself. He took a while trying to figure out how to get into the Shadow Realm (not having gone there many times himself. He'd been dragged there plenty of times, though.), and then finally remembered what to do. 

* * *

_At last, some peace and quiet,_ Bakura thought to himself. _Ah, this place is more beautiful every time I come here._ He closed his eyes, and enjoyed the smothering darkness, and let himself be consumed by the swirling chaos around him. 

"Bakura, I thought I'd lost you!" Yami's whining voice broke the wonderful silence that Bakura had been indulging in. 

_Oh Ra, whatever did I do to deserve this kind of torture?_ Bakura groaned. He had gone to the one place where he thought Yami could never reach him. "Yeah," he said flatly, "I thought I'd lost you too." 

"Well then, since we've found each other again, let's go home!" Yami cheered. 

"You know, I think that's the smartest thing I've heard you say during this whole trip," said Bakura. He turned, ready to re-enter his Ring. There was no way Ryou could prevent his return. 

"Um, Bakura? It's not working." 

After a few minutes of just standing there Bakura realized Yami was right. They had been locked out of their Millennium Items. 

"I officially hate all locks now," growled Bakura. How could Ryou have done this to him? He wouldn't have minded his punishment half as much if he hadn't been stuck with Yami. He made up his mind to take his revenge on Ryou once he got back. 

Yami sat down. "So now what are we going to do?" 

"I don't know," replied Bakura. "But promise me one thing: don't make me mad." 

"I'll try not to. But you're so easily irritated, it's going to be hard. I could always teach you how to manage your anger," offered Yami. 

"No," was Bakura's instant reply. 

They decided to stay in the Shadow Realm for now, figuring that it was better than drifting aimlessly about in space. 

"Bakura?" 

"What?" 

"How will we know when three days are over if we're in here?" 

"We won't. That's why we won't spend all our time in here." 

"If we're really bored, can we duel?" 

"If you want. But only if we're really bored. For the time being, let's have some fun!" 

Yami wasn't too sure what Bakura meant by fun. For Yami, fun was eating, sleeping, playing with modern technology and trashing Yugi's room. He hoped Bakura's definition of fun didn't include attempting to kill ex-pharaohs. 

Yami felt a most uncomfortable sensation, like when he ate too much food. Then, all of a sudden, the darkness disappeared, and Yami and Bakura were on a strange looking planet. The ground was red, the sky had a pink-ish tinge to it, and, well, there wasn't much else to say about it. 

"Bakura, where are we?" 

"I don't know yet. But if we look around I'm sure we'll find out." 

Off they went, exploring this new planet. It wasn't long before they saw on the horizon a bright blue jewel, speckled with white. 

"Hey Bakura, isn't that-" Yami started. 

"Yep. Earth." 

"Then we must be-" 

"Yep. Mars." 

"Stop finishing my-" 

"Nup." 

"Plea-" 

"Nup." 

"Can we at least go somewhere else where it's a bit more exciting?" Asked Yami. 

"That I can do. We could trying looking for a planet with intelligent life forms, so I can hold an intellectual conversation with someone," said Bakura. 

"I don't get why you hate me so much," said Yami, pouting. 

"I can't help it. I just do." 

They returned to the Shadow Realm again, and Bakura once more warped the time and space continuum. The darkness disappeared again, only to reveal that the two were now stuck in the middle of a violent storm. 

"Bakura, I don't think this place is quite what we're looking for," shouted Yami, trying to make himself heard above the thunder storm. Huge, violent winds whipped about, and it was fortunate the Yamis were in their spirit form, otherwise they would have been long dead. 

However, that didn't stop them Yami from getting struck by white lightning. The giant bolt came straight on his head, frying his whole body. His comatose body started to descend deeper into the tempest. 

"Yami!" Bakura screamed, and fetched Yami's body. He returned to the Shadow Realm and lay Yami on the ground. 

"Yami, wake up!" He shook him violently. Bits of frizzled hair fell to the floor. 

"Yami, snap out of it!" He slapped Yami's face, but the 5000 year old pharaoh didn't respond. 

"Yugi's taking us to KFC!" That just _had_ to wake him up. But it didn't. Yami was quite unaware of anything at the moment. 

"Yami, don't make me do this!" Bakura was getting worried. Yami had a weak pulse. He had only one chance of saving his life. 

_What am I thinking?_ Bakura thought to himself. _Back in the old days, I was a notorious thief. The Pharaoh was trying to kill me, and now I'm saving his life! This is crazy! And I'm doing it in the most embarrassing way!_ Bakura prepared himself. He took a deep breath. He wasn't sure he could do this. His hands were sweating. _Come on, Yami, wake up! Don't put me through this torment!_

Sure, he'd kissed Ryou many times, but this was a completely different matter. Since when did tomb robbers even dare to touch a pharaoh? 

He leant over Yami, put his fingers to Yami's mouth and opened it. _It's only CPR,_ he thought. _Breath into his mouth, them pump his chest. That's all._

He closed his eyes. _I'll never forgive myself for this._

His mouth touched Yami's lips. _But Yugi would kill me otherwise._

He prepared to blow. _Hey, at least I'm saving a life here._

At that moment Yami's eyes flew open. For a split second he didn't know where he was, but then his senses and memory came flooding back. His vision cleared, and the first thing he saw was Bakura leaning over him. And from his perspective, it looked like he was about to kiss him. 

So he screamed. 

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! Get off me!" 

Bakura opened his eyes and saw Yami's mouth wide open, emitting a most horrible scream. 

And so he screamed. 

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! Yami, you're supposed to be on the verge of death!" 

Yami pushed Bakura off him. "What the hell do you think you were doing?!" 

"I was trying to save your damn life!" 

"Oh." Yami apologised. "Sorry for screaming at you like that. It's just that... well, anyone would be terrified, seeing someone about to kiss them" 

"I wasn't trying to kiss you," said Bakura. 

"Well that's what it looked like you were trying to do." 

The two sat in silence for a while, both red in the face. It was an extremely uncomfortable silence. 

"Are we still friends?" asked Yami timidly. 

_Were we ever?_ thought Bakura, but only replied, "Yeah." 

"You want to try and go home now?" 

"We'll try," replied Bakura. 

And so once more Yami felt dizzy. The Shadow Realm's darkness lifted for the third time, and this time they were in the middle of a busy city. But it wasn't Earth. There were glass domes everywhere, some containing various greenery, others containing buildings. 

Bakura and Yami stood there, looking at the view before them. 

"Where are we?" 

"Would have no idea." 

Then the local residents spotted them. They were not small green men, as one would expect, but were more like a centaur. Four legs, two arms, a split tail and really, really big and floppy ears. 

"You think they're friendly?" whispered Yami. 

"Do you think I'd know?" was Bakura's reply. 

The "centaurian" studied them for a while, before beckoning them to follow him. With not much else to do, they did as he requested. They were led to a city dome, and entered. Through the city they went, in a most maze-like way. 

"This is certainly puzzling," commented Bakura. 

Suddenly they were roughly pushed into a small building. 

"Hey, what was that for?" Bakura demanded angrily, watching helplessly as he was somehow frozen, the door close. He heard a lock click. 

"That doesn't sound too good," said Yami. 

__________________________________________________________________________ 

Were the Yamis captured by the aliens? Or were they simply put there for their own protection? And how will Yugi and the others find them, now that they're halfway across the galaxy? 


	9. Consequences of Isolation

A/N: Dreamy-Eyes1, Don't worry, Yami won't always be as whimpy as he was... Hopefully he'll be better in these next few chapters. **

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 9 - The consequences of isolation

Yugi was back at home, enjoying a day of peace and quiet. He could hear the birds chirping again, and he was glad not having to worry about keeping the house clean. _I wonder how Yami's doing. It serves him right for going in and eating all that junk food. Though it wasn't entirely his fault. And the moon isn't that bad. If I go to Kaiba's and use a really powerful telescope, I might even see their little specks from here._

Ryou was taking a leisurely stroll through the park, without having to worry about Bakura secretly calling up Malik and asking him for pizza. Not having to get up at 5 in the morning to watch through all the security cameras installed in his home meant that he felt more energetic. _Bakura was pretty smart, but not smart enough. He always assumed I was an innocent little boy, cowering whenever he threatened to kill me. Yeah, right. He wouldn't have dared. Yugi and the others would make sure of that. But I do wonder how Bakura and Yami are getting along together. I hope I haven't sentenced them to a torture too horrible._

Malik was sitting on his bad, at home, bored. Without Bakura to keep him company, there was nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. But at least he was getting pampered by Isis and Rishid. Oh, that was fun. Just the other day he had his motorbike polished (again, for the tenth time that week). 

"Oh Isis, my darling sister, I'm bored. Can we go looking for more bike accessories?" 

"Not today dear, I'm busy. You don't know how hard it is running a museum. Gotta go," she replied, rushing out the door and off to work. 

"Rishid! You don't mind if we go see how Yugi and Ryou are doing, do you?" 

"Sorry Malik, I'm busy! Go by yourself." 

"Great," he muttered. Nothing to do today. No Yami to torture. No Bakura to feed. He could always go and annoy someone else, though. _Maybe I should go and visit Joey and really get on his nerves... it won't be as fun as running away from Yami, but if I carry a dog suit around it should be more exciting.... Or I could just explore people's minds...._

So Malik sat in his bed, bored. 

* * *

Yami and Bakura sat in their little cramped room. 

"What do you think they plan to do with us?" wondered Yami. 

"Maybe they'll eat us," answered Bakura. 

"Really?" Yami's eyes were wide open. 

"Unless we eat them first. Wonder what centaur meat tastes like. Chicken, I bet." 

"They'd at least taste half horse-like. Or maybe not." 

One of the aliens came in after a while with a couple of his friends, and was holding a small radio-like device. He uttered a few alien words, and then an English translation came through the box. 

"Are you friend, or foe?" The leader had asked. 

"Have you realised that everyone says that?" whispered Yami to Bakura, who nodded. 

"Friend. Who are you? And where are we?" 

"I am known by my people as Arnyoobus. And you are on the planet of Pyrara." 

"Does his name sound a tiny bit suspicious?" whispered Yami again. 

"Nice to meet you, Arnyoobus. I am Bakura, and this is Yami." 

"Really? Is he really all that tasty?" Was the Pyrarian's reply. 

"No, his name is Yami. Ya-mee." 

"Oh, okay then. These are my friends," introduced Arnyoobus, "Arpofyus, and Haafjore." 

"Don't their names sound really familiar?" whispered Yami. Again. 

"Nice to meet you," greeted Arpofyus. 

"Same here," replied Bakura. 

"Sorry to have been so rude to you," apologized the leader. "But we are being ruled by a tyrant, who forbids interaction with other sentient beings." 

"You have a mean old bastard as your ruler?" Asked Bakura. "Well then why hasn't he been overthrown yet?" 

"Because he is the law. Any revolt would simply result in our death." 

"We'll gladly help you!" offered Yami. "You see, I've had plenty of experience in dealing with hostile forces." 

"Are you so sure this is a good idea?" asked Bakura to Yami. 

"Why wouldn't it be? We'd gain ourselves an intergalactic ally! And you never know when they might come in handy!" 

"And if we fail?" 

"We can't die!" 

"Who knows? This is a different planet. Anything could happen." 

Yami shook Arnyoobus' hand. "Of course we'll help! We've been through worse, y'know." 

Bakura buried his face in his hands. _Here we go again... Yami wanting to play the hero. I should really kill myself, here and now._

"Thank you for your support," Haafjore said. "Now come with us, so that we can take you to our leader." 

"Sounds like something exactly out of a sci-fi movie," muttered Bakura. 

The floor opened up beneath them, and they fell straight down. A long, long way. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! HELP! ME! SOMEON- OW!" Yami and Bakura landed heavily in a huge underground compartment. 

"Why do we have to always fall down such huge distances?" complained Bakura. "Next time I'd rather..." his voice trailed off as he looked upwards. "Woah, that's one big alien," he exclaimed. 

Before them stood a giant Pyrarian. He was almost twice the height of Arnyoobus, who already towered above the two Yamis. 

"Hmmm... so you two must be the ones who have sworn allegiance to our cause," he said, his deep voice rumbling through the cavern. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ryah, the King of Pyrara. Well, at least I was, until some most hostile aliens came and took over our planet and plunged our world into a dictatorship." 

"Did he just say Ra?" whispered Yami. "This is all reminding me of long ago...." 

"You are getting so repetitive," said Bakura. 

"You will be our guests for as long as you need to stay here," Ryah continued. "I apologize in advance for the lack of style, but you must understand our situation. Hyooris, show these two to their room." 

"Did he just say room?" asked Yami. 

"Yeah. R-o-o-m. Not rooms." replied Bakura. 

Hyooris opened a door to reveal a decent sized room, with a bunk bed and a table. "I hope you enjoy your stay. Dinner will be served shortly." 

Bakura and Yami looked at each other. They looked at the bed. Rivalry flared up. They both sprinted for the bed, shouting at each other as they did so. 

"I'm getting the top bunk!" 

"No, I am!" 

"I am!" 

"I am!" 

"Hey, I'm the Pharaoh!" 

"Correction: WAS." 

"I deserve the top bunk! You were nothing but a street rat!" 

"So it's my turn to be top dog!" 

"It's mine!" 

"MINE!" 

"Oh no you don't!" 

"DIE, PHARAOH!!!" 

Bakura once again whipped out a dagger from nowhere and started trying to stab Yami again. But he didn't actually get anywhere, since Yami had turned transparent. 

A bunch of Pyrarians were standing outside their room, watching the commotion. 

"What it really such a good idea to trust them?" asked one. 

"Well at least they can fight," said another. 

"Let's just hope they don't kill each other. Or us." 

It had taken ages for them to resolve their fight, and in the end Bakura won and got the top bunk. After dinner (which was actually quite good. In fact, it was eerily close to normal food on Earth.) they finally settled down into their bed. 

While Bakura was sleeping, he heard strange noises. Then, all of a sudden, he fell. Well, he slid off the bed. And the bed mysteriously shattered when it made contact with the ground. 

"Ow! What'd you do?" Bakura complained, rubbing his head. 

"I got rid of the top bunk," said Yami evilly. "So now you don't have a bed to sleep in!" 

"Oh yes I will," said Bakura, with a wicked glint in his eyes. The tone of his voice suddenly changed. 

"I'll steal your bed," he whispered in a low, warning voice. He walked up to Yami's bed and started taking his shirt off. 

"You can't make me," growled Yami, his eyes narrowing. 

"Oh yes I can." He crawled into bed with Yami. 

Yami wasn't feeling so well anymore. Bakura was scaring him. Badly. 

"Get away from me!" 

"Why don't you get away from me?" asked Bakura. He started stroking Yami's neck, looking for a nice, shallow vein. 

"Okay, okay, you win," screamed Yami, scrambling out of the bed, breathing heavily. 

Bakura laughed. "Smart. Otherwise you would have had a taste of my dagger." 

"Oh. Was that all?" asked Yami. 

"Of course. What else could I have been trying to do? ... Wait... you thought - I was - going to - YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" Bakura screamed. "What _have_ you been doing to Yugi?! You've been plaguing his mind, haven't you? You dirty thing! And you were a pharaoh!" 

Yami and Bakura glared at each other, before getting as far away from each other as possible. That's what happened when they were separated from their hikaris for too long. With no one to control them and tell them what to do, they were going mad. They were turning into Lunatics. 

While Bakura was asleep, Yami once again took his revenge on the tomb robber. He pulled the blanket off Bakura, and then, as gently as possible, lay him on the floor. And so Yami went happily to sleep on the bed again. _____________________________________________________________________________ 

Someone has been watching too many soppy romance movies, it appears... or make that too many R-rated movies.... Let's just hope that they're found soon by Yugi and the others, otherwise EVERYONE will regret EVERYTHING that's ever happened! And Yami seens to be turning the slightest bit evil.... Wonder what'll happen next.... 

And what's with the Pyrarians' names? 


	10. Off to kill the bad guys!

A/N: A lesson is to be learnt by the end of this chapter: Never, under any circumstance, let ANY Yami near ANY alcohol! 

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 10 - Off to kill the bad guys!

The next morning the two Yamis woke, refreshed and ready for anything. Their night hadn't been so bad, since for both of them this was their first quiet night in many weeks. Except that Bakura was just a little bit annoyed at Yami for dumping him back on the ground. 

"Well, I guess we'd better save the Pyrarians now, otherwise we won't have time to get back home," said Yami cheerily. 

"I'm with you there," said Bakura. "Anything to get me away from you." 

Arnyoobis and a group of his friends gathered outside their room. 

"I hope you've had a restful night," he greeted courteously. 

"Yeah, thanks for asking," replied Bakura. 

"Will you be ready to help us today?" 

"Sure thing! We have to do this today!" shouted Yami excitedly. 

"Let me warn you, our enemy is highly dangerous. We will do everything in our power to help you. Good luck." The Pyrarians saluted them. 

"Let's go!" 

Yami and Bakura, with the help of Arnyoobis and Haafjore, snuck into the alien headquarters. 

"So where's the boss?" 

"Around here. I am sorry, but I cannot go any further. It's up to you now." 

Yami peered through the keyhole. He turned to Bakura. "You're the expert on these things. Tell me everything you know." 

Bakura studied the room beyond the door. 

"Well, from what I can see, first of all, this lock is way out of date. Reminds me of the ones we had back at home in the ancient times. Second, The leader is a midget. Though from here it looks like he's really athletic. Just look at his muscle bulk... could almost pass as a pyramid-lifter (the colloquial term used for tomb robber, similar to the present day word shoplifter.), I'd say. They shouldn't be too much of a problem. I guess these natives are just really weak." 

"What about their technology?" asked Yami. 

"Not much there. Well, not much that I can see. Maybe they've got those cool laser things. Wonder if they'll work on us." Bakura's eyes glittered, a thought suddenly popping into his head. _That's a great idea...._

"Will our powers be enough?" asked Yami. 

"I'd say so," replied Bakura. 

"Let's go!" 

They both used their Mind Crush abilities and blast open the door. The aliens inside there were shocked. Only for a split second, though. Guards were running to their king's protection. 

It turned out that the invaders did have high-tech weapons. And they hurt, as the Yamis found out. 

"Take your best shot!" shouted Bakura, in spirit form, so that he couldn't get hit. But their lasers were exceptional. And gave Bakura a big jolt of electricity. "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea...." 

Still, it wasn't much of a fight. Until the aliens brought in the big guns. Bakura let out a string of profanity as he saw the biggest ray gun ever. It was even bigger than the ones in movies! 

"Yami, they're gonna zap us with that big giant THING!" he screamed. 

"What do we do?" 

"RUN!" 

They ran as fast as they could, not wanting to get hit by the ray that would fry them like KFC. 

"But Bakura, why are we running?" panted Yami. 

"Why do you think?! That zapper's gonna toast us!" 

"What about our own weapons?" 

"WE DON'T HAVE ANY!" 

"OH YES WE DO!" Yami stopped and ran the other way, back to where the giant ray gun was. He was starting to enjoy this little adventure; he hadn't killed anyone for a long time. 

"Mind crush!" Yami's attack didn't affect the machine one bit. However, it did kill a couple of hundred midget aliens. 

"Hey, why don't my powers work?" asked Yami, puzzled at why the machine was still operational. 

"Because, stupid, it's a machine. An alien machine. Who knows what it's made of. And remember, our powers don't work as well on these kinds of objects... which is why I had so much trouble opening the lock back on our spaceship," added Bakura as an afterthought. 

They decided to kill off all the mean old aliens first, since they were so weak compared to the two Yamis. And then since there were no evil guys left to shoot them, they handed all the weaponry to the Pyrarians. 

"Thank you so much for saving our planet," said Arpofyus, with gratitude. "Whatever can we do to repay you?" 

Bakura and Yami looked at each other. "Well, we'd like to go back to Earth now-" 

"We will gladly point you in the right direction," answered Arpofyus. 

"-But before that, you don't mind doing us a little favour?" asked Bakura, with a big grin on his face. 

* * *

"CE-LE-BRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!" Bakura raised his mug of beer in the air, spilling half of it on himself. "This is damn good beer, mate!" 

"I totally agree," said Yami cheerfully, slapping Bakura on the back. He grabbed a whole roast chicken and started munching on it. 

"I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SMALL AND ROUND!" yelled Bakura, guzzling down more and more of the strong alcoholic beverage. 

"FWAT DO SHYOU FINK OF ZTHISH SCHIKIN, EH KAIBA?" shouted Yami drunkenly to Bakura. 

"ITSH'S LUVLY, MY DHARLING HRYOU," replied Bakura, brown liquid drooling from his mouth. 

"Y'KNOW, I'VE NHEVER REELIZED ZTHAT I'VE BHAD FEELINSH FOR SHYOU," began Yami, trying to place his cup back on the table, only now there wasn't a table. All he saw was a giant television in front of him. Still, he slammed his cup down anyway. And ended up hitting his knee. 

"HEY, WHAT'D SHYOU DO ZTHAT FYOR?" said Yami angrily at his foot. 

"I LOVE YOU, BROTHER!" shouted Bakura all of a sudden, and tried to hug Yami. 

"I GHATE SHYOU SHO MUSH!" shouted Yami, and tried to hug Bakura. 

So they tried to hug each other, only they missed and fell face first on the floor. Then Yami, through his blurry vision, thought he saw a hot dog wriggling around next to him. And so he bit down. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Bakura from the pain of Yami's bite. "THE PIZZA MONSTER'S AFTER ME!" 

The Pyrarians looked on with interest. They hadn't seen drunkards like this before, not in a long time. Bakura and Yami were both on the floor, trying unsuccessfully to eat one another. 

"Do you think it was wise to let them have all that alcohol?" asked Haafjore. 

"DON'T LET MY BEAUTIFUL KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN GET AWAY!!!" 

"Somehow, I don't think so," replied Arnyoobis. 

"Will we live to regret this?" asked Hyooris nervously, for Bakura was licking his hoof. 

"Have no idea," answered Haafjore, recoiling after Yami tried to nibble his leg. 

"MY DSHEER MUMMY, WHILL SHYOU MIARRY MHE?" bellowed Yami, clutching at the bandages on his arm. 

"YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED TO ME, REMEMBER?" roared Bakura. 

"RA, MA DHARLING USBAND, OW WOOD JOO LARK TO BEH ME WIFE?" hollered Yami, so loudly that the cups started to crack. 

"I think we should take them back to their room," suggested Haafjore. "Before things get any worse." 

And they were lucky they did. The two Yami's conditions grew worse, and it wasn't long before they were shouting obscenities and trying to slap everyone. Bakura's knife made yet another reappearance, until it was swiftly confiscated by the Pyrarians. 

* * *

"I don't feel so good," moaned Bakura as he woke from a most disturbing sleep. "I feel as if I've been chewed up by the pizza monster and then spat back out." 

"Has Ryou been telling stories about that monster to scare you?" mumbled Yami, rubbing his head, as sore as ever. 

"It's totally real," he insisted. "I've seen him in real life. It was right after Ryou gave me this funny tasting mushroom to eat." 

"Are you feeling better?" 

Bakura and Yami looked up to see Arnyoobis looking down at them. 

"Yeah, we're fine," Yami replied. "But if you don't mind, we'd like to go home now." 

"Sure thing," he said. "But first we'd like to tell you something that might interest you. 

"Long ago in ancient times, we started exploring different planets, not unlike you. About 5000 years ago, we stumbled upon the humble planet you call Earth. We had landed in a place rich in culture and scattered with pyramids. That place, was known as Egypt. Those humans were so very different from you, and it's most fascinating how much you've changed. Well anyway, we met their leader, someone known as a pharaoh." 

Yami became much more attentive. 

"He was a nice guy," Arnyoobis continued, "giving us comfortable accommodation and delicious food. We asked for the recipes, and so we gave you the same dish served to us. In return, we helped try and rid the pharaoh of a notorious criminal." 

Yami eyed Bakura, who said nothing. 

"Unfortunately, we weren't all that successful, but managed to slow the tomb robber down long enough to help improve the city's defenses." 

Bakura glared at Yami, who only smiled smugly back. 

"And so, to this day, we continue to honor our dear friend, by naming ourselves after their gods." 

"So that's why your names sounded so familiar!" exclaimed Yami. "I remember you guys! Oh yes, your original names were-" 

"-But now, we should let you go. After all, you have incredibly short lifespans. The pharaoh and his children and his children's children had all passed away before we left!" 

"Well, thanks very much for being so kind to us," said Bakura, dragging Yami away. "Once we get back on our ship, I think we have a few things to discuss," he whispered to Yami. 

And so they went back into the Shadow Realm, preparing to go back to the moon where the others would be waiting in a few short hours. 

_______________________________________________________________________ 

We're almost to the end of the story! But who knows, maybe Bakura and Yami might somehow still manage to cause more trouble.... 


	11. Home Sweet Home well, not as sweet as ex...

**

~ Lunatics ~

**

Chapter 11 - Home sweet home... well, not quite as sweet as expected

Ryou, Yugi and Kaiba were back on the ship, back in space, ready to pick up Bakura and Yami. The three of them sat patiently around the table, having lunch. 

"How much do you think our Yamis suffered, Ryou?" asked Yugi, winding his spaghetti around his fork. 

"A lot, I hope," his friend replied, sipping a cup of tea. 

"Should we scare them with another hologram?" said Kaiba, spooning caviar onto his peanut butter sandwich. 

"How can you stand that stuff?" Yugi looked at the hundreds of little red beads in disgust, especially when they were inside a peanut butter sandwich. 

"Food of the rich people," was Kaiba's response. 

"And you like it?" 

"You get used to it." 

Yugi shrugged and went back to his spaghetti. 

Ryou put ketchup on his cupcake and relished the taste. 

"Do you always have your cakes like that?" Yugi looked a bit pale. 

"Sure. It's wonderful, once you get used to it. It's somewhat of an acquired taste." 

"You two have such strange eating habits," said Yugi, shaking his head. He sliced up a banana and mixed it in with his pasta. 

"Look who's talking," sniggered Kaiba. 

An hour later they were ready to look for the Yamis. A radar was set up, and Yugi and Ryou 'unlocked' their Millennium Items, so that their other half could return. They landed on the moon and began to scour the satellite. 

* * *

As they were farewelled by the Pyrarians, Bakura and Yami re-entered the Shadow Realm, ready to go back to their hikaris. But before they did so, Bakura kept his promise of having a chat with Yami. 

Bakura held Yami up by his collar. 

"What's this about an alliance with the Pyrarians?" 

"Well it all happened so long ago," stuttered Yami. "A few months after I had been appointed Pharaoh, these weird aliens stumbled upon us. So naturally I greeted them and we became friends, and eventually allies. Though I don't think they knew it was us." 

"And you made them try and kill me?" demanded Bakura. 

"Of course. I couldn't have a thief robbing deceased pharaohs of their possessions. And I had to make sure you were stopped before I died, otherwise I would have never made it to the afterlife." 

"So they were the ones who made me think I was a beetle for a month!" 

"Yeah, you should have seen yourself," said Yami, chuckling at the memory. The tomb robber had been brought in front of the pharaoh, and with his beetle instincts, tried to fly away. Oh yes, Yami had enjoyed that so very much. "I should go back and ask them to do that again, shouldn't I? That would be funny!" 

"I certainly didn't enjoy it," snarled Bakura. "You made me look like such a fool!" 

"That's because you are one!" 

"So now I get to have some payback!" 

"You can't do anything. Our powers are equal," stated Yami as a matter-of-factly. 

"So they might be. But our intelligence and wit definitely aren't!" Bakura pulled out his secret weapon, a ray gun, which he had managed to slip into his pockets during his fight with the enemy aliens. 

Yami's reflexes were quick, after having played video games against Joey for so long. Yugi had forced him into it, and now he was glad he was put through that torture. He dodged it by a hair, and turned into his spirit form again. Only he forgot that Bakura had already tried that back on Pyrara, and was still affected by the lasers. 

"I've got you now, pharaoh!" Bakura started shooting his gun, trying his best to zap Yami, who was running around crazily. His aim was pretty good, and when he was finished Yami was smoking with tens of tiny holes in his jacket. But, everyone knows that it's never over 'til it's over! 

"It's time for MY revenge, tomb robber!" Yami started summoning various monster and magic cards from his deck. The Dark Magician came out, trying to blast Bakura with his Dark Magic Attack. Problem was, Bakura was doing the same. He had given his Man-Eater Bug the ray gun, and it was shooting everything in sight (as well as Bakura himself). 

* * *

"Why aren't they here?" asked Yugi, he and his friends having been looking all over the moon for them. 

"I don't know how they could have gotten far away from here," said Ryou. 

"I guess we'll just have to wait a bit longer," sighed Kaiba. "Unless you two try and call out to your Yamis through your Items." 

"Tried it. Didn't work. Either they've blocked us or they're in some kind of trouble and can't hear or reply." 

"We'll give them two more hours. Then we're gone." 

* * *

Bakura and Yami were both tired out from trying to kill one another. They were both smoking, too, after being zapped with the ray gun so many times that there were small holes in their clothes. 

"Can we just stop this now?" groaned Yami, barely able to stand after running around so much. "I'm so tired I could just fall asleep and never wake up. I wish Ryah was here. Then I could order him to torture you." 

"I'd love that too," muttered Bakura sarcastically. "But we can't. We've got to get back home and take our revenge on Ryou and Yugi." 

"How long do you think they'll wait for us?" 

"Dunno, they could have already left." 

"Then we'd better go!" Yami couldn't stand being stuck with Bakura any longer. 

Bakura once more did something to the whole running of existence, and created another warp in the universe. As they emerged from the Shadow Realm, they had made it back to the moon safely. 

* * *

Yugi, Ryou and Kaiba all suddenly felt a jolt, then a falling sensation. 

"What was that about?" wondered Ryou aloud. 

"Have no idea," said Yugi. 

"Let's check the spaceship," said Kaiba, wanting to make sure nothing had happened to it. 

Once they got back, everything seemed to be in perfect working order. Yugi suddenly turned to look in the opposite direction from where he was looking. 

"Hey, Ryou, do you feel that?" 

"Feel what?" 

"Our Yamis." 

Ryou concentrated for a while, before sensing the familiar angry spirit close by. "Well, it look's like they're back." 

They ran out to meet Bakura and Yami, only to see them with torn clothes and daggers in their eyes. 

"Yami, what happened to you?" asked Yugi, worried that he had suffered some terrible accident. 

"Nothing much," replied Yami, half distracted. 

"But we do have something to finish," added Bakura, eyeing Ryou. 

Ryou eyed Bakura warily back. The two of them started having a staring contest with each other, and both didn't blink for a terribly long time. 

"Why don't you just give up, Ryou? You know I can keep staring forever." 

"Wanna bet?" Ryou grinned, and then clapped right in Bakura's face, causing a reflexive action to close his eyes. 

Ryou and Yugi giggled. 

Kaiba, of course, became bored, wanting to go home and watch all his company's profits rise and rise and rise. He was only there to pick up the two yamis, not to watch a spirit reunion. He went off back onto the spaceship, and the others eventually followed when they heard Kaiba start up the engines. 

"Ha, weakling hikari, now it's time for me to have my revenge!" Bakura screamed, drawing his ray gun and pointing it at Ryou. 

"Where'd you get that little toy from?" asked Ryou. 

"It's no toy," growled Bakura. "It's as real as I am." 

"You're a spirit." 

"That's not the point!" He pulled the trigger, frying a lock of Ryou's hair. 

"How dare you do that!" Ryou pulled out his secret knife, and attempted to cut his yami's hair. However, before he could do that, he stepped on the banana peel Yugi accidentally tossed on the floor, and fell. Now his knife was unintentionally aimed at Bakura's heart. 

"Bakura, watch out!" Ryou screamed, as the knife got closer and closer to Bakura, to the point where it made contact with his shirt. 

Yugi, Yami, Ryou and Bakura all screamed, unsure of what would happen. But in that fraction of a second, the spaceship shook violently, throwing everyone off balance, and saving Bakura's life. Ryou fell onto the floor, only to have Bakura land heavily on top of him. 

"Oomph," said Ryou, being temporarily winded by having Bakura's weight on him. "Get off me," he said, thankful that he hadn't killed his yami, but annoyed that he hadn't cut Bakura's hair. 

"Guys, we're having a bit of trouble lifting off. Anyone know what's... Ryou, what's going on?" Kaiba had walked in before Bakura could stand, and he had a most confused expression on his face, seeing Bakura lying on top of Ryou, in a most disturbing position. 

"The two of them are finally showing their true feelings for each other," said Yugi sweetly. 

"They were trying to kill each other," said Yami nonchalantly. 

The two of them had spoken simultaneously, so that neither could be heard, and not helping Kaiba's puzzled mind. 

Bakura and Ryou were both red when they heard Yugi's statement. 

_What should we do to him?_ asked Ryou to Bakura. 

_Something really horrible, like putting live lizards in his soup,_ replied his yami. 

_Eeew! That sounds great!_

"That still doesn't explain why our spaceship doesn't work," said Kaiba after a while, giving up on trying to figure out what had happened to Ryou and Bakura. 

"Maybe it had something to do with that weird sensation we felt just before we met up with our yamis," suggested Yugi. 

Bakura and Yami exchanged glances. 

"It might explain where Bakura got his ray gun," said Ryou. 

"Nothing much happened," lied Bakura. "We tried our best to get back to Earth, only we couldn't, and then we had a bit of trouble getting back here, so we used the Shadow Realm." That, at least, had some truth. 

"I'd say your little magic trick killed my ship," accused Kaiba. "You know how much this thing cost me? Why don't I make you pay for the damages?" 

"Please, no, don't do that!" protested Ryou and Yugi, knowing they were going to be the victims if Kaiba carried out his threat. 

"Well then, Bakura, Yami, would you like to fix my ship? Wait, that might not be such a good idea... wait here while I fix it." Kaiba walked off, leaving the others alone again. 

"Where were we before he interrupted? Oh yes, I need to give you a brand new haircut," said Ryou, getting a pair of scissors. 

"There's no way you're getting to my hair," said Bakura. 

"Die!" Ryou started running towards Bakura, scissors snapping along. In a little while the two were trying to kill each other. 

Yami and Yugi stayed a fair distance away, not wanting to get involved. 

"So what actually happened in those two days?" asked Yugi. 

"Nothing much," replied Yami. "But I'll tell you everything once we get back home. If we get back at all." 

"Don't worry, Kaiba'll fix everything up." 

Ryou had a crazed look in his eyes as he managed to cut a whole chunk of hair from Bakura. "Say goodbye to your precious hair!" 

"I don't think they can fix them two up," said Yami. 

* * *

Kaiba sighed as he watched the four from his control room. _I knew this would happen._ He pressed a button, while started to release a gas into where Yugi and the others were. _ that should settle them down for a while._

On the screen, Bakura, Ryou, Yami and Yugi were falling asleep, the sleeping gas (Is there such a thing? Either way, it'll be a harmless gas that just makes people fall asleep. I'm sure there's a name for it....) 

Finally there was peace and quiet on the spaceship, and Kaiba went to work fixing a blown fuse. It wasn't going to be long until he would be rid of these lunatics. 

So then, with everything fixed, and the two Yamis tied onto chairs so that they couldn't possibly cause any more trouble, everyone went home safe and sound.... 

Where Ryou and Yugi were again tortured by their Yamis. 

Ryou: Let's never do that again. Next time, we are not taking our Yamis ANYwhere. 

___________________________________________________ 

Hmmm... the ending seems a bit sloppy, but oh well. Hope you all liked it! Thanks to all you people who reviewed: 

rubberducky64  
Dreamy-eyes1  
yoko sereana lita  
DaFlyingPuppy  
Yami-Yugi3  
Kitaiya-Rena  
Kelly Noel  
air  
Swishy-fiend 

The end! 


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